I suppose that’s going to be a phrase I use a lot now that I’m a parent. I’m a relatively new parent, so I figure writing about this here will help me remember what’s happened when I look back on it and help me construct new ways to do things in the present.
Here’s an example of a difficult parenting situation. My baby boy (P) sometimes refuses to have his poopy diaper changed because he seems to think it’s uncomfortable. But at the same time, I can tell he’s uncomfortable wearing a poopy diaper. So, I try to talk to him (even though he doesn’t understand a lot of words yet) and explain that we need to change his diaper or he’s going to get a rash and it’s going to hurt even more. I talk in the same way to him as I would to an adult who disagrees with me, at least I try to.
So, sometimes he’ll seem to agree and I’ll begin changing his diaper. But, in mid-change, he wants to stop it all by simply standing up or rolling over with his diaper already open and all the poop exposed. If I were to let him, he’d get poop everywhere. Obviously, I don’t let him because I don’t want to clean up after him. I suppose if he could clean up after himself, then I’d have no problem with it, but because I have to do the cleaning, I don’t let him smear poop everywhere. He cries and physically tries to stand up or roll over.
My problem is that while he’s trying to get up or roll over, I have to hold him down in a rather authoritarian way. I’m telling him that I’m stronger than him and can therefore dictate where his body goes and doesn’t go. In some cases, where danger is involved, I have to exercise this power over him in order to protect him. But in this case, it’s more a matter of me not wanting to clean poop out of the couch, the carpet, and off the computer chair or even the computer itself! I hate doing it, but it seems that I have to do it.
With my older boy (N), I find myself calling out orders out of habit. I don’t know how I got into this habit, but I remember some conversations where he gave me authority to do that at the time because he said he didn’t know how to regulate himself or wanted someone else to do it. I guess that’s where it started. But now, I see myself ordering him around in regards to meaningless stuff. He’s a great person so he rarely confronts me and ususally does what I say. But, I want to teach him how to question me more and start acting for himself.
I don’t have time to finish this just now, so I’ll get this posted and write more later. Thanks for reading.